I find the term soulmate to be…well…yuck. Really, really yuck. You might have guessed this from the post title. Does this mean I don’t believe in true love and romance and happy ever after?
Of course I do. I am a card carrying member of the Believers Club. If we had a card, I mean. Or a club. But still, you get the idea. I believe in romance, in love, in relationships that last and last until the wrinkles and the grey hairs are too numerous to count and still the hand holding goes on and on and on.
So why don’t I embrace the concept of soulmates?
Because this term has been so embraced that it has eclipsed the entire essence of why a relationship lasts through the numerous wrinkles and grey hairs stage. People, young and old, are convinced that this amazingly special Someone is out there, The One for them. That it will be magic and bluebirds of happiness flying around dropping rose petals on them (which, come to think of it, is far better than what birds often drop when they fly around) when they meet for the first time. Surely that’s violin music coming from behind that tree! Didn’t the colors just get brighter? Are those lambs gamboling merrily on a nearby hill? And are the flowers blooming in heart-shaped patterns?
We’re soulmates, right? Everything is perfect and destined and now we can let the happy ever after begin!
What concerns me is that this attitude can keep people from the real relationship that truly IS out there for them. The relationship that perhaps does not include violin music and gamboling lambs (although I *do* have a soft spot for lambs, gamboling or otherwise) but that does grow into a deep and steady love. An enduring love. A wrinkles and grey hair and hand holding love.
This relationship is not instant. It requires work and effort. And you know what?
It deserves work and effort.
I think somehow we have conjured up the notion of a soulmate who brings to us a relationship that doesn’t require either. It’s all perfect, right? It’s all meant to be. We are going to hold out for this relationship and if we’re in another one that isn’t quite producing heart-shaped flower patterns, we peek around for what surely must be the Real Thing.
We’re looking so hard for the Real Thing, we’re often missing it.
I don’t like the term soulmate. In my opinion…and of course this blog is simply my opinion so you can create your own mandate…a soul is the essence of our spiritual self. The relationship a soul has is with our spiritual higher power. When we are considering earthly relationships, the setting is a lot more grounded and the effort is, too.
And that’s okay with me. It’s more than okay. To me, that’s the Real Thing, the relationship I want. Not a soulmate (Bleh! Pooey!) but a heart mate.
That’s the sort of connection that will lead to a true happy ever after here on earth. And I do believe that sort of connection will have the lambs kicking up their heels.