Listen

One of the most sincere forms of respect is actually listening to what another has to say.    ~Bryant H. McGill

True, true, very true. And we all know this to be true and yet…it’s a precious and rare commodity, that kind of listening. We hear a lot. But do we listen? Or do we hear while we are actually planning out what WE are going to say next?

I like to listen. I have learned a great deal from listening carefully. Most people never listen.    ~Ernest Hemingway

Unfortunately, Hemingway has a point. The joy we feel when we realize that someone is actually listening to us, hearing what we are saying but also concentrating on it and noticing our attitude and our inflections and our expressions, should tell us something. It feels very, very good to find someone who will listen. If you recognize how nice it feels to know someone is listening, then the next logical step is to actually be a good listener in return.

Listening is a positive act. You have to put yourself out to do it.        ~David Hockney

So why bother? It takes effort. It really is a challenge, this listening stuff. Far easier to sit there and wait until it’s your turn to talk again. Why make the effort?

Wisdom is the reward you get for a lifetime of listening when you’d have preferred to talk.    ~Doug Larson

There’s one reason. You’ll learn more.

Most of the successful people I’ve known are the ones who do more listening than talking.    ~Bernard Baruch

Another reason. Kind of goes along with the learning more concept. Listen more. Learn more. Put that to use.

Listening, not imitation, may be the sincerest form of flattery.     ~Dr. Joyce Brothers

Show someone you care by listening. Good, another reason.

Listening is being able to be changed by the other person.     ~Alan Alda

Show yourself you care by opening up to new thoughts, ideas, opportunities…none of which you might recognize if you don’t stop talking long enough to actually listen.

So there are obvious reasons why we should be better listeners. It’s good for others, it’s good for ourselves. A winning situation for all! But it’s hard and because it’s hard I think many of us do more pretend listening than whole body listening.

How to change that?

Practice. New skills take time and learning to listen fully is a new skill. Resolve to do it and start with one person in your life.

Body Language. Place yourself so that you are facing the speaker. Look at them. Don’t be distracted by your phone or by your surroundings. Touch them if that is part of your relationship. Listen with your whole body.

Ears open, mouth shut. It’s so easy to want to quickly get our own thoughts expressed. This isn’t the time.

Remember, it’s about them. What they feel, think, want to say. Your own experience or your friend’s experience that was a bit similar or your third cousin Martha’s experience can be shared later if and only if that information is welcome.

Judging? Not helpful. Maybe you would never, maybe you could never, feel or do or experience what the other person is relating to you. That’s fine. But keep that opinion to yourself.

Clarify, empathize, concentrate. How did they feel? What happened next? What are their thoughts and feelings now?

Just…listen. Sometimes people need to talk about something but are not asking for direct solutions. If they want help finding a solution, they will tell you. Or you can ask. But don’t assume that’s the case and start planning a course of action. Maybe action isn’t needed. Maybe listening is all they want.

Listening is defined as giving one’s attention. In today’s very busy world, isn’t that one of the most precious gifts we can give? All it takes is effort and time. Truly, we can find both for the people who matter.